We Can't Always Get What We Want
Thanks, Mick Jagger
Saying Hi
I feel like everyone is a flutter about Thanksgiving this year, so I won’t add to the ruckus. I Instead, I’ll share a few things I’ve been cooking which are unrelated to the big meal…
Okay… ONE Thanksgiving recipe promo… you may want to consider making my spiced salted caramel cinnamon rolls for the holidays… that’s all.
A Song…
During one of November’s initial days, my yoga class ended at 12:48 pm. My limbs were shaky from all the long holds and stretches— I’d already had an intense lift earlier that morning and was ravenous. Lunchtime. Slightly zonked and zenned-out from my yoga, I stepped onto the sidewalk, feeling like maybe, just maybe, I’ll fall down. This day happened to also be my first day with new glasses— my vision had gotten worse and my brain made sure I knew it. It began to pour. Pellets of rain, the sort of rain that sops the thighs of your pants and makes your hair stick together, wet at the ends.
Underneath the awning of the building, underneath the hood of my sweatshirt, I put my headphones on. “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” shuffled on by The Rolling Stones. I laughed a little. I’d had a particularly lackluster and disappointing October, I wasn’t sleeping great, I was in the middle of writing several essays and poems I felt sucked, I felt alone, and now! Now, I got to walk home in the rain, umbrellaless, to this seven minute song. Felt like Mick Jagger was tryna tell me something.
The song begins with an organ, a choir singing, and a French Horn before Mick comes on to sing his story with a simple guitar to his voice. The lyrics of the song own a melancholic tone, yet the music feels like an orchestra of empowerment, possibility, and faith. Contrast.
The organ, the choir, and the horn bring a nearly holy mood to the song. Confusion and uncertainty are tiresome. Right now, I’m applying to various fellowships, grants, and grad opportunities as a poet, unsure if I’m the person these programs are looking for. I won’t find out about any of these opportunities until March. Until I hear back, I don’t know what I’m doing this summer, next year, or even in two months from now.
Whenever I think about the things I have so badly wanted, wished for, worked for, and aimed for only to not receive, achieve, or be a part of, I feel grateful. Because those things weren’t meant to be, and they made space for other developments. Developments which turn beautiful, teach us new lessons, bring us more special people, and, ultimately, expand our comfort zone. Mick Jagger reminded me of this, “you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.”
I came to Iowa as a business student, and if I’d worked my original plan, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I think that’s important to remember. Mick Jagger also sings, “she was practiced at the art of deception.” We all are.
With my fresh but wonky glasses covered in dozens of tiny, thick water droplets, I trudged on and went home to eat my lunch. In a different, dry sweatshirt. While I write this right now, I’m realizing that that rainy moment marked the last day of my previously weeks-long, lackluster streak. Maybe it’s because I’m learning that it can be just as rewarding when we don’t get the things we want. Think we want. Be it relationships, jobs, awards, appearances,,, the list goes on.
If we put forth effort, we really do get what we need from this life. Slowly, I’m releasing my fear of not achieving the future I so dearly want and instead, trusting that whatever else happens is something meant to be. Something I didn’t realize I need. I’m trusting.
those cinnamon rolls?! need.